yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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