Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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