he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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