swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
