I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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