i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
