I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
