I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
