i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
