it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
