My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
