I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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