and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
