please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This is my gift to your gina
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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