You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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