just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Damn victory sex feels great
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
