Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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