I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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