Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
