Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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