On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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