I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
