I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
