And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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