Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
