True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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