Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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