She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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