I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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