Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
That's intense
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This baby is an asshole
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
