I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
