were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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