Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
