I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize