Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
