Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
