if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
