Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
