So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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