Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm getting married
To pizza
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
