So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
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I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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