the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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