Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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