He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
