he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
