i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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