Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
