If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
