THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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