You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
