I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
