It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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