I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
50% drunk capacity currently
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
