I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There r osticjed everywhere
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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