I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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