i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
