I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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