I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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