I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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