i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
