is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
