So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.