But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
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It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
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can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.