You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?