Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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