bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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