Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
