if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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