i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
