ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
