So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
